Resources

Big Little Man by Alex Tizon

Tizon shares about his experiences growing up in America as a Filipino man. Tizon describes how his parents grappled with their own self-hate while lauding all things White and Western. Being an Asian man in America created in Tizon a deep sense of insecurity and inferiority in his masculinity. Tizon covers the shame and ways in which he attempted to compensate, how he viewed the world, and how others viewed him. This book can be a helpful resource for Asian men who wrestle with feeling confident in their own masculinity.

Silently Seduced by Kenneth Adams

Adams covers the controversial topic of covert incest: an emotionally bonded relationship formed typically as a consequence of divorce or one parent being emotionally unavailable to their partner, so the child becomes the surrogate partner. Adams highlights how men involved in emotionally incestuous relationships with their mother struggle to have healthy relationships with women in adulthood. They have trouble setting healthy boundaries due to feeling obligated to prioritize the needs of others above their own, struggle with immense guilt with their love and hate of their mothers, and often spiral into addictions to find separation and cope with their repressed emotions. 

Absent Fathers, Lost Sons by Guy Corneau

Corneau writes about the father wound in many boys and middle-aged men. Corneau covers how the father wound damages men’s ability to experience intimacy with their partners, keeps men monogamous to their mothers, and leads to repressed aggression that manifests in patterns of self-loathing, scapegoating, blind worship, or sexually charged rage. Corneau emphasizes the task of the modern man is to be the father to themselves, to father their own inner boy, thus crossing the “second birth” and becoming a whole man. 

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins

David Goggins is a retired navy seal and renown as the hardest man alive. But that wasn't always the case. In his book, Goggins takes the reader through the sewers from which he began life. In the pit of hell, Goggins learned to transmute his pain into mental fortitude, courage, and unstoppable drive. Goggins is a living testament to the power of the human spirit. Through challenges and tools such as the 40% rule, accountability mirror, and the cookie jar, Goggins will provide you the kindling to make a spark in your life. Feeding that flame is up to you. 

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette

This book examines masculinity from a Jungian perspective utilizing the concept of the male archetypes of King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover. Moore and Gillette emphasize the importance of initiation from boy psychology into man psychology and argue that what is labeled “toxic masculinity” is in fact immature masculinity, not mature masculinity. The archetypes reflect different qualities within the male psyche. Each has a shadow side and a light side. It is through integrating and balancing out these archetypes that a man fully embodies mature masculinity. 

Finding Our Fathers by Samuel Osherson

Osherson describes how the “unfinished business” men have with their fathers impacts every facet of their professional, social, and personal life. Osherson lists how different types of fathers (e.g. the angry father, the weak father, etc) impact their sons. What sons lacked and wanted in their fathers becomes projected onto the other men in their life (e.g. boss, mentor, etc). When asked about their fathers, many men exhibit a level of indifference or anger, underneath which lives a deep well of grief and longing. Osherson provides guidance on ways men can begin to resolve this conflict within themselves. 

The Masculine in Relationship by GS Youngblood

GS goes into great detail on what true masculine strength looks like in relation to the feminine. It is inevitable that a woman will test her man. This isn’t to make life difficult for him, but to challenge him to become the highest expression of a man he is meant to be. GS provides practical embodiment practices to teach men how to regulate their nervous systems when they feel overwhelmed by the intensity of emotion their woman brings to him. Too many men attempt to fix or engage from the intellect; what she needs is your physical and emotional presence. Men who can respond vs react, provide structure, and create safety will inspire the trust, lust, and devotion their woman longs to give him. It is not freely given, but must be battle tested.