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Many men in the modern West have turned into emotional caretakers. These men cannot tolerate difficult emotions in his woman, especially when she turns them onto him. In an anxious effort to smooth over things and try and bring himself back into her good graces, he falls into her frame and forfeits his own. What this leads to is men and women who cannot tolerate difficult emotions. Men now caretake the difficult emotions of their woman (and daughters).

I terminated my therapy business last week and retired my professional license. After holding my license for over four years… I just tossed it all away like that. Am I an idiot? Maybe… maybe… :)

Western culture is littered with romanticized depictions of how lovers come together. It’s in our TV shows, movies, novels, and music. Nothing else drives us as crazy as love. But is this really love as we have been conditioned to believe it?

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It’s no secret that many men struggle with porn addiction. This addiction carries deep shame for a lot of men and they often attempt to try and quit on their own before seeking help. Recovery may be focused on maintaining a streak of abstinence, accountability partners, or interventions to block access to porn. This approach may work for some men. For others, the success of these interventions are short-lived. My aim is to provide some insight into why these traditional approaches are ineffective and present six alternate approaches towards working with porn addiction.

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2021 has been a year of big shifts for me. Old friendships and communities exited my life, while a few new ones entered my life. I abruptly left the place I had worked at for over 2 years once it became clear that changes were being made that did not align with my values. Righteous anger, resentment, and loneliness were frequent emotions I experienced as I watched the world go in a direction I could not accept. And to top it all off, I experienced a spiritual crisis following a plant medicine ceremony that forced me to face my own personal hell. As I am settling down at the end of 2021, I feel happier and lighter than I’ve been in a while, yet also more lost and depressed at the same time.

The men who have chosen to just “play it safe” and do what women want will end up walking in lockstep towards the hill that modern feminists have bitterly decided to die on. These are the Nice Guys and white knights, who still carry the fantasy of pleasing/saving mommy and not being like “those other men.” These men repress and deny the pain and shame they carry, and in doing so repress and deny their masculine edge.

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It is as if a part of me inside is screaming, “No, please! Just hear me out! Don’t hate me! Don’t leave me!” Back to the experience of children, we can’t help but want our family to love, accept, and like us. To not feel this way arouses the terror of being abandoned.

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